a circle in the sand

for those of you who have followed me on this journey since the beginning, you already know that i was reading the novel "eat, pray, love" by elizabeth gilbert. well, i never finished because one day as i was happily reading, i got to the end of page 276 and found an unpleasant surprise: 277 was missing! in fact, pages 277-309 were all missing! it went from page 276 back to 246 and repeated all i had read up until that point......it was one of those moments, like experiencing a mild earthquake.....it takes a second to really believe it is happening because the earth isn't SUPPOSED to move....a brand new book isn't SUPPOSED to be missing a chunk of pages!!! i was beside myself because i was being left hanging at a REALLY juicy part! i quickly emailed my mother who i knew had just finished reading this same book. after realizing that scanning the pages would not come through well enough to read, she said she would photocopy the missing pages and mail them to me. so, i waited.....patiently. they came and i am now almost finished! i say all of this because freak stories like this are worth repeating, so that others can be prepared if such a shocking thing ever happens to them....also, i came upon a passage in the book that i want to share......but first....

since i moved to korea, nearly three months ago, i have had many moments where i'm walking down the street or riding the bus, looking out the window and suddenly feel so moved by what i see that tears well up in my eyes and i find myself overwhelmed with gratitude for this incredibly vibrant place, the spirit of the people, the rich and fascinating culture......and most of all, that i got myself here. i cannot imagine NOT being here right now. there is nowhere else i would rather be. no doubt, i miss people back home very much, but i feel not a thread of confliction about my choice to move to korea. i feel so full, everyday. the teaching i'm doing at the university is incredibly engaging and i find myself delighted by the students all the time. i love my living space...it is so quiet....it feels like a little monastery in the middle of the flashing neon lights and whir of traffic below.....for those of you who know me personally, you are aware that i have an affinity with elderly people. i am so moved everytime i see the "agimas" (older women) at the traditional outdoor markets....with their weathered faces and shining eyes selling their fresh fruits (persimmons, apples, oranges, melons) and vegetables (still covered in dirt), their peeled garlic cloves and ginseng......something in their eyes and their wrinkles and how very hard they work makes me want to run up and hug them tight. i resist this impulse, as i'm not sure how that action would come across culturally, instead i support their livelihood and i speak my best korean because i've found it lights their faces up like the sun! i love going at night....the markets are buzzing until about 10:30 or 11pm.....the agimas all chatter loudly to each other from stall to stall, letting their laughter echo out into the streets! there is so much vitality.
i love seeing monks and nuns mixed in with the crowds of people.....i love knowing buddhist temples surround us here....scattered all over the mountainsides.....knowing i can visit anytime....and eat lunch with the monks and nuns any day of the week. it gives me a peaceful sense of belonging....i feel very held here.....like i belong in a way i never have anywhere else in the world before.

i am now a member of ayurveda yoga studio....i have attended three classes and already feel embraced by that community. so far, i'm the only foreigner i've seen there. this doesn't bother me a bit!! after class, many of the students sit around a wooden table and drink ginger tea together.....tonight i stayed for about an hour after class. i talked with a man who also works at yeungnam university, in the accounting department. he lived and studied in the u.s. for 16 years, so his english is impeccable. after he left, i got into a conversation with a couple of college gals. they were eager to practice their english. they got our their cell phones, which double as dictionaries/translators, and began asking me question after question! when they found out i am 30 years old, they looked stunned and quickly began typing into their cell phones and what came up was "boyish face!" i told them what "boyish" meant and they said, "no, no, no." they went back to their cell phone keypads and punched something else in and then said enthusiastically, "baby face!" that is what they meant! i got a good laugh! before i knew it, 10pm had rolled around, so we said our goodbyes and i caught bus number 509 home. the bus was PACKED. i almost didn't need to hold on because we were standing up against each other like sardines. i find that i love using public transportation more than i ever would have imagined! i have never used it like i do here. i used to ride the BART train occasionally, but on a daily basis, never. i find there is a sense of community in it. it somehow breaks the isolation that so many humans face. a smile here.....a kind gesture there.....random conversations.....bodies packed in like sardines.....

my new life is showing me a completely different way of being in the world.....

"what would i do if i never came here?
but i was always coming here. i thought about one of my favorite sufi poems, which says that god long ago drew a circle in the sand exactly around the spot where you are standing right now. i was never NOT coming here. this was never NOT going to happen."
-excerpt from "eat, pray, love" - "here" refers to bali