lost in translation

directed by sofia coppola, this movie came out in 2003. had i viewed this film before moving to asia, i don't think i would have understood it in nearly the same way as i did tonight. i kept thinking "i totally get this! this is how it feels to go to the doctor and have him explain my ailments in korean as if i can understand every word....and this is what i look like as i sit there stunned and clueless with a blank stare on my face. and this is how it feels to try to operate korean appliances (washing machines, exercise equipment...) by trial and error and have some downright hilarious and at times nearly fatal happenings because of it! if you haven't seen "lost in translation" you've got to rent it simply for the scene with bill murray on the eliptical machine! you will be on the floor! and the scenes where bill has someone translating for him, it's hilarious because the person speaking japanese goes on emphatically for two minutes straight and then the translator turns to bill and says one or two lines in english! and he exclaims, "that's it? that's all he said? it sure seemed like more than that!!" this is SO how it is!!! i can't tell you how many times i am left wondering "what did she REALLY say?" "what are they NOT telling me??!"
and seeing all the flashing, buzzy neon lights and the hoards of people milling around till the wee hours of the morning.....it actually gave me a cozy, at home sort of feeling...like, "yeah, i know this scene.....it's familiar....i live here." and even though the air quality makes me not want to breathe....i will miss this place so very much when it comes time to leave.

no crevice left unscrubbed

last night i received an unforgettable initiation into korean life. a family i have grown close to in the last few months invited me to go with them to the sauna. for many, going to the bath house is as common as going to the gym to work out. as we pulled up to the valet parking area in front of the hotel inter-burgo, one of the finest luxury hotels in daegu, i got the feeling i was stepping into another world for the evening....we descended a winding marble staircase with a massive crystal chandelier hanging overhead and a thirty foot christmas tree beautifully lit up at the bottom where we entered the women's spa.

after we disrobed, leaving our belongings in our lockers, we went into the bath house...the ambiance was very zen....quiet, sparse.....incredibly clean. we showered and then soaked for awhile in the large slate bath filled with hot bubbling water.....after a bit, i gathered all of my guts and took a plunge into the ice cold tub in hopes of getting my immune system up and kicking. i let out a little yelp and scurried back into the hot tub.

the family arranged for me to recieve a "body scrub" for 20,000 won (a little over $20). many women who come to the spa either scrub themselves or each other...but since i am new to the whole scene, i decided to let the professional show me how its done. so soon after my cold plunge, the scrubber agima, wearing the traditional black bra and panties that the scrubber women wear, gruffly signaled me to follow her. i have grown to know not to fear the agimas who put on a hardass front, for underneath there is usually a belly ready to erupt with laughter and a very tender heart.

she led me to a partitioned room where she roughed me around a bit to get me situated on the padded table. then she threw a bucket of extremeley warm water over me with absolutely no warning! i burst out laughing, which made her crack a smile. by the end, i had her laughing too as i flicked 30 years worth of dead skin clumps off the table while making outrageously grossed out faces!! she found this to be hilarious!

anyway, this agima, with her brillo-like scrub pad in hand, went to town on every nook and cranny of my body. i was on my front first, then my back, then rolled over to each side....she scrubbed my limbs from a million different angles....this ritual is not for the for the faint-of-heart, i tell ya. i felt pretty vulnerable lying there. she put what smelled like a mud cucumber mask on my face which was very cooling and refreshing, but made it so my eyes had to be closed....so i never could be sure when the next bucket of hot water was going to come splashing over my entire body! after she was finished, my skin felt like it was brand new! smooth as silk. i felt about twenty pounds lighter. to integrate this experience, i sat in the steam room for awhile, breathing deeply and reveling in the newly acquired softness of my body!
it was a lovely experience....my weary-of-being-sick body felt deeply renewed and relaxed.

unmunsa...the women's temple

built in 560, unmunsa is now one of korea's largest temples. it is located on tiger mounain, about one hour from daegu. in 1950 unmunsa became the largest women's buddhist seminiary in korea. about 300 nuns live and study here at one time. they follow a four-year course, learning the classic buddhist texts, chinese characters, and how to live an ordained buddhist life.

the head nun at unmunsa, myongsong sunim, writes, "whether we bow to the buddha or weed the ground, we must do it with exactly the same mind. if we bow to the buddha because the buddha is sitting up high, this is idol worship. if we bow to the buddha while we think the buddha lives outside of ourselves, this is idol worship. if we think our mind right here is the buddha, we are bowing to our true nature with respect, we are trying to curb thinking which would lead to self-importance or arrogance. this is the meaning of bowing." (taken from the book: "women on the buddhist path" by martine batchelor)

a beautiful view on our drive to the templethe trees that line the long temple road...they remind me of old, old beautiful gnarled women who have lived for thousands of years...whose lives are written all over their strong, wrinkled bodies.....who have stood in this sacred grove for centuries as guardians of this temple.a glimpse in sweet anticipation from outsideentrance to unmunsataeok and i in front of the 500 year old weeping red pine treei would have dreamed to have an ancient weeping pine like this to climb and play under as a child.this part of the temple is restricted to visitors every day of the year except in may on buddha's birthday...it is the seminary where the nuns study.the main sanctuary....taeok and i took our shoes and hats off and went inside....we each took a long cushion from a stack of many, upon which to kneel and bow....she taught me the traditional way to bow in respect and reverence to the buddha....in respect and reverence to our own true nature.paintings on the outside walls of the sanctuarytaeok translated this story for me....this monk was on his way to china to learn the buddha's teachings from a monk who had reached enlightenment.....he stopped for the night....in the dark he took a drink of water which tasted delicious to him. in the morning, he saw that he had sipped the water from a skull....he was instantly repulsed and threw up....suddenly he saw what had happened, that the once delicious water had so quickly become disgusting all because of his perception - the water itself had not changed. through this experience he understood the mind and did not need to continue on his journey to china for he himself became enlightened!carving of a lotus flower on the temple wall.....from the mud springs this incredible life of beauty....the perfect place for another temple concertan extraordinary painting of the buddha surrounded by children
lotus flower fountainbrilliant colorsas part of ancestral tradition, some persimmons must be left on the tree for the birds to eat through the winter season.the nuns take excellent care of the land....many of the plants were all bundled up to keep warm during the winter weather. it is said that the head nun deals so well with her student nuns because she takes such good care of the plants.taeok and i standing near one of the two three-story pagodas that are said to keep the energy of the temple land balanced.what a gorgeous chimney!a very old seated stone buddha statue - seokgayeoraejwasangpaintings of kuan yin, the goddess of compassion, on the outside walls of one of the temple buildings....a welcome sight amidst the plethora of patriarchal iconographyupon coming and going, one must pass underneath this tower where three times each day the nuns drum and sound the bell....calling forth the awakening of all beings.

days like this

would you like to live slowly like an elephant?

this sign can be found at the gyeongsan train station at the top of a large stairway. it made me smile and reminded me not to rush around so quickly.

one thing i do for fun around here is visit the infamous korean stationery shops. when jennifer came to visit i took her to one nearby for a daily dose of laughter medicine! we came across several quotes that just about got us kicked out of the store. we were making an absolute scene....literally falling to our knees in the aisle laughing. i went again the other day and before i could stop myself, i started howling with laughter which immediately led to an out of control wheezing cough attack - i have been having a very nasty bout with bronchitis for the last three weeks. anyway, it may have been one of those "you had to be there" moments, but i'll share it anyway!

this first one is not necessarily hilarious, but it coincides with the reminder in the stairway of the train station.
the stationery pictures a blue elephant and reads "would you like to live slowly like an elephant?" i thought that one was rather sweet....
another set of stationery looks like air mail and has a picture of an old-fashioned airplane...it reads:
"beautiful flying...
when we are in love
we love the grass
and the barns
and the lightpoles
and the small mainstreets abandoned all night."

another one has a cartoonish sketch of a girl in a kitchen and it says:
"do you feel how much
i love you, my dear?
hold still...
i'm not done yet!"

(yikes! i can't quite get over that one!!)

on a pastel blue notebook with white lilies all over it (reminding me of easter morning), it is written:
"GUARDIAN ANGER
i could protect you
so you would be happy each day
and filled with joy every day
if only i could become an angel
like in my dream..."(the L and R sound share the same letter in korean, so often when translating to english, these two letters get mixed up!)

lastly, on a grassy green notebook it reads:
"green of our mind revolution
everyday evergreen
green memory function"yes....maybe you had to be there....but honestly, i have never laughed so hard in my life!

awakening joy

"awakening joy" is an experiential course offered every year that i participated in before moving to korea. about two hundred and fifty people gathered once a month for ten months in the jewish community center in north berkeley, ca. we were blessed with the guidance of long-time buddhist practitioner and teacher, james baraz and the many special guests he invited in throughout our time together. many more from all over the world participated online by downloading the audio recordings of the classes and doing the "homework" that we were all encouraged to do.
the focus was very simple: inclining the mind toward wholesome states of being. the buddha taught that whatever one frequently thinks about will be the inclination of the mind. as we incline the mind more toward well-being, gratitude, kindness, compassion, etc, these wholesome states become more accessible to us. as we practice cultivating certain states of mind, we actually, physically change the structure of the brain. in the class we were asked to not only focus on cultivating wholesome states of mind but also to fully experience the gladness that arises WITH those wholesome states. to relish the feelings of joy that come so naturally with gratitude and kindness.
something james said in one of the classes struck me so....it was about having compassion for ourselves....i scribbled it down on the back of an envelope i had in my jacket pocket that night. that envelope somehow followed me all the way to korea....

"when we are caught in confusion or fear or force of habit, if we could make a choice that wouldn't cause suffering we would."

for the times when i am heavy-hearted and crumpled in a heap on the floor....lost inside the scattered painful pieces....may these words soften the fall....reminding me to be gentle and kind with myself....especially when i think i was too monstrous to ever be worthy....may the memory of these words call forth the place inside of me that can lovingly gather my being up and say, "oh honey....you were so lost when you said those things....you were so afraid....there, there....it's going to be alright.....if you could have made a choice that wouldn't have caused suffering, you surely would have....you surely would have.

later that same evening james said, "there's something in you that's really rooting for your happiness."









-for more info on the course see the "awakening joy" link under "refuge and wisdom" on the right.

integrity

"the quality of being complete; unbroken condition; entirety"
-webster

"a wild patience has taken me this far

as if i had to bring to shore
a boat with a spasmodic outboard motor
old sweaters, nets, spray-mottled books
tossed in the prow
some kind of sun burning my shoulder-blades.
splashing the oarlocks. burning through.
your fore-arms can get scalded, licked with pain
in a sun blotted like unspoken anger
behind a casual mist.

the length of daylight
this far north, in this
forty-ninth year of my life
is critical.

the light is critical: of me, of this
long-dreamed, involuntary landing
on the arm of an inland sea.
the glitter of the shoal
depleting into shadow
i recognize: the stand of pines
violet-black really, green in the old postcard
but really i have nothing but myself
to go by; nothing
stands in the realm of pure necessity
except what my hands can hold.

nothing but myself?....my selves.
after so long, this answer.
as if I had always known
i steer the boat in, simply.
the motor dying on the pebbles
cicadas taking up the hum
dropped in the silence.

anger and tenderness: my selves.
and now i can believe they breathe in me
as angels, not polarities.
anger and tenderness: the spider's genius
to spin and weave in the same action
from her own body, anywhere --
even from a broken web.

the cabin in the stand of pines
is still for sale. i know this. know the print
of the last foot, the hand that slammed and locked the door,
then stopped to wreathe the rain-smashed clematis
back on the trellis
for no one's sake except its own.
i know the chart nailed to the wallboards
the icy kettle squatting on the burner.
the hands that hammered in those nails
emptied that kettle one last time
are these two hands
and they have caught the baby leaping
from between trembling legs
and they have worked the vacuum aspirator
and stroked the sweated temples
and steered the boat here through this hot
misblotted sunlight, critical light
imperceptibly scalding
the skin these hands will also salve."

-adrienne rich

thank you so much for this poem, desi.

soon to be vegetarian

last week, the director of my department and his wife took me out for a special lunch. we went to the "happy (organic) chicken" restaurant in the rural hills outside of gyeongsan.
here's what happened.....
we pull into a chicken farm and get out of the car. we are ushered into our own private dining room. after removing our shoes, we take our seats on cushions on the floor around a little table. right away, kimchi, fresh hot green peppers with soy bean paste, pickled radishes, garlic and onions are brought as side dishes to the table. soon after the owner returns with a small cup and places it in front of me. i peer down and see a raw egg, slimy as ever, with a touch of sesame oil. i cringe inside and out, not wanting to know what is going to become of this situation. i swallow hard and look up at the director and his wife. looking very innocent as if this is nothing out of the ordinary (which it probably isn't), they explain to me that the rare and special soup they have ordered for us often causes an allergic reaction in people and the raw egg will prevent this from happening. "what kind of allergic reaction?" i asked in slight panic. something having to do with the skin - a rash, hives, swelling, not sure!? i squint my eyes, nodding my head, and start to heave from deep inside. one of my worst fears is raw egg. i can't even stand the slightest bit of runny egg in a COOKED egg. it makes my stomach turn and as my friend erin often says "it makes my throat sweat." i stalled as best i could. i even asked them if they were joking. of course, they did not have to ingest the raw egg because they have been eating this soup for years and know they are immune from the skin rash. so, finally i mustered all the strength inside and brought the little metal cup to my lips. i planned to just swallow in one gulp....to take the egg like a shot of tequila....however, the egg yoke was too big, or maybe it wouldn't fit down my throat because i was gagging, so i had to chew the egg yoke. OH MY GOD. inside i was screaming. my stomach was lurching. i thought surely it was my last day on this earth. surely i would die from this raw egg. surely. i must have looked awfully strange to the director and his wife because they had very funny looks on their faces. i'm certain my face was red, sweat beads were definitely forming on my nose and forehead, my eyes were watering and i don't even know what kind of look i had on my face. bluffing is NOT my strongsuit. i drank a couple of glasses of water and then sat stunned at what i had just done. while i was still in shock, i turned to the director's wife and said, "i hope you know that was very brave."
soon after, the happy chicken arrived to our table along with the special soup made from the "ot-da" tree bark/leaves. let me reiterate, this is a rare and expensive soup, something i probably would have never had the opportunity to try on my own. i must say, it was delicious, but all the while i was a bit nervous with the raw egg gurgling about inside of my belly. luckily, nothing bad came of the raw egg incident. i managed to keep it down. but, i am strongly, moreso than ever before in my life, thinking about becoming a vegetarian. i still have to give it a bit more thought, but i'm THIS close. THIS CLOSE.

my life as a verb

living outside of the united states of america has bestowed upon me the gift of an ever-widening, ever-changing perspective; personal, political, spiritual, global - the whole shebang. my life is feeling very much these days like a verb. so much is in motion...transforming, shifting, bubbling up inside and out....yet amidst the movement there is a daily steadiness that i don't remember ever feeling in my adult life. it often comes to me as the image and quality of a stone buddha, sitting at my back....as part of me and also behind me supporting my spine....a solid presence i can access AND lean into. it's a profound difference from feeling like i'm being tossed upon the waves, flailing in every direction....nowhere to anchor when the storm hits, even my breath lost to me.....not sure where i'm going and certainly not sure about where i am. nowadays, it doesn't feel even remotely as pressing to figure out exactly where i'm going. i definitely know where i am and that being here in korea, in this particular situation, is the ideal place for me to be at this time. the stormy seas have passed. and actually, i have discovered a calm, quiet pool to reside in for awhile....it is here that i am learning how to breathe....to anchor in those quiet waves that are always with me.

photograph: borobudur stone buddha statue on the island of java

what book am i?

ok, so it's saturday morning and there are no cartoons to watch, so i've been taking online quizzes and laughing hysterically while i eat my breakfast.

You're Watership Down!

by Richard Adams

Though many think of you as a bit young, even childish, you're
actually incredibly deep and complex. You show people the need to rethink their
assumptions, and confront them on everything from how they think to where they
build their houses. You might be one of the greatest people of all time. You'd
be recognized as such if you weren't always talking about talking rabbits.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

what book are you??

hymn to the sacred body of the universe

"let's meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

let's meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs

for one instant
to dwell in the presence of the galaxies
for one instant
to live in the truth of the heart
the poet says this entire traveling cosmos is
"the secret One slowly growing a body"

two eagles are mating—
clasping each other's claws
and turning cartwheels in the sky
grasses are blooming
grandfathers dying
consciousness blinking on and off
all of this is happening at once
all of this, vibrating into existence
out of nothingness

every particle
foaming into existence
transcribing the ineffable

arising and passing away
arising and passing away
23 trillion times per second—
when Buddha saw that,
he smiled

16 million tons of rain are falling every second
on the planet
an ocean
perpetually falling
and every drop
is your body
every motion, every feather, every thought
is your body
time
is your body,
and the infinite
curled inside like
invisible rainbows folded into light

every word of every tongue is love
telling a story to her own ears

let our lives be incense
burning
like a hymn to the sacred
body of the universe
my religion is rain
my religion is stone
my religion reveals itself to me in
sweaty epiphanies

every leaf, every river,
every animal,
your body
every creature trapped in the gears
of corporate nightmares
every species made extinct
was once
your body

10 million people are dreaming
that they're flying
junipers and violets are blossoming
stars exploding and being born
god
is having
déjà vu
I am one
elaborate
crush
we cry petals
as the void
is singing

you are the dark
that holds the stars
in intimate
distance

that spun the whirling,
whirling,
world
into existence

let's meet
at the confluence
where you flow into me
and one breath
swirls between our lungs"

by: drew dellinger
from his book: "love letter to the milky way"








"deep breath" painting by: melanie weidner

shoveling snow with buddha

"in the usual iconography of the temple or the local wok
you would never see him doing such a thing,
tossing the dry snow over the mountain
of his bare, round shoulder,
his hair tied in a knot,
a model of concentration.

sitting is more his speed, if that is the word
for what he does, or does not do.

even the season is wrong for him.
in all his manifestations, is it not warm or slightly humid?
is this not implied by his serene expression,
that smile so wide it wraps itself around the waist of the universe?

but here we are, working our way down the driveway,
one shovelful at a time.
we toss the light powder into the clear air.
we feel the cold mist on our faces.
and with every heave we disappear
and become lost to each other
in these sudden clouds of our own making,
these fountain-bursts of snow.

this is so much better than a sermon in church,
i say out loud, but buddha keeps on shoveling.
this is the true religion, the religion of snow,
and sunlight and winter geese barking in the sky,
i say, but he is too busy to hear me.

he has thrown himself into shoveling snow
as if it were the purpose of existence,
as if the sign of a perfect life were a clear driveway
you could back the car down easily
and drive off into the vanities of the world
with a broken heater fan and a song on the radio.

all morning long we work side by side,
me with my commentary
and he inside his generous pocket of silence,
until the hour is nearly noon
and the snow is piled high all around us;
then, i hear him speak.

after this, he asks,
can we go inside and play cards?

certainly, i reply, and i will heat some milk
and bring cups of hot chocolate to the table
while you shuffle the deck.
and our boots stand dripping by the door.

aaah, says the buddha, lifting his eyes
and leaning for a moment on his shovel
before he drives the thin blade again
deep into the glittering white snow."

by: billy collins

take back the night

walking home this evening
i notice the sky is that deep cold winter blue
just like i remember
and the thin wispy clouds come and go like pipe smoke above
my own breath creates a shadow of fog behind me
and the air is so frigid i wonder if it might shatter like ice in the wind
there is something so familiar about this piercing chill
something my bones will never forget
even years after leaving the north country
yet on this solitary winter night
i sense something is different
what is this peculiar feeling
this mysterious strangeness inside
i seem to be missing something that for so long i have carried
what could i have forgotten
and then it hits me
to fear my aloneness in the dark tonight
i forgot to check over my shoulder
i forgot to strain my ears for the slightest wary sound
i forgot to prepare myself for someone to jump out from behind those bushes over there
i am making my way through the lateness of this dark and icy night
unconcerned with fear
i am alone
here and there others are finding their way through the winter darkness too
to fear them is not even a thought this time
my body feels strangely at home
no need for armor dear one she says
let's simply walk home with a softness of ease tonight
looking up at the night sky and around at the naked trees
noticing how lovely it feels to be here
how free to be alive and unafraid





















take back the night’s roots may go all the way back to 1877 when women protested the fear and violence they experienced in the night-time streets of london.
others believe that the first rally occurred in 1976 when women attending the international tribunal on crimes against women lit candles and took to the moonlit streets of belgium to denounce the continuation of violence against women. since then, thousands of marches and rallies bearing the name "take back the night" have taken place worldwide.
take back the night made its way to the u.s. in 1978 when protesters in san francisco organized by "women against violence in pornography and media" marched through the red-light district in protest of rape and pornography, which they identified with the sexualized subordination of women.
the marches are often deliberately women-only in order to symbolize women's individual walk through darkness and to demonstrate that women united can resist fear and violence.

for more information: www.takebackthenight.org

you're in my blood like holy wine....

this is a song for you, oh canada....so far away from me.....
"remember that time you said, love is touching souls....surely you touched mine 'cause part of you pours out of me in these lines from time to time.....

i could drink a case of you, darling...and still be on my feet....i'd still be on my feet."

diana krall singing joni mitchell's "case of you" in paris

future pop stars

i have been introduced to a plethora of new pop music through my students, both at the university and the elementary school in goryeong. the wonder girls and rain seem to be on center stage in the korean pop world at the moment. rain was named as one of time magazine's 100 most influential people who shape our world....he was also featured in people magazine's 2007 "most beautiful people" list! here are my fifth graders with yet another rockstar performance!





















rain
lee sangeun is a korean folk-rock singer who i first heard, of all places, in the local mexican restaurant! i fell in love with her sound right away.....this is her song called "bird."